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Cheshbon Hanefesh in Relationships

The Chassidic masters have taught to do a cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of oneself, at appointed times. R. Kirzner said that this also can be applied to one's spousal relationship. That is, instead of discussing problems at inconvenient times, a couple may speak of them at appointed times. This accomplishes two things, one, that they do in fact speak of the issue, and the other that they know at the time of the emotional event that they will in fact be able to flesh it out, albeit at a later time.


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