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Fairness

There must be justice and fairness in human relationships. People must take responsibility for their misdeeds, and respect others in order for human relationships to work. Unfortunately spouses too commonly feel at liberty to act callously toward each other. People should monitor their actions according to how an impartial judge would view them. No one should take a spouse for granted, or be above judging his or her own personal behavior and trying to make sure that it is exemplary.

Good relationships depend on the willingness of both partners to judge themselves objectively and strive to act with fairness and mutual respect. People who avoid reviewing their relationships, who "shove things under the carpet" so as to avoid discomfort, damage their relationships. People in healthy relationships measure their behavior by the yardsticks of truth and fairness. People can't feel good about themselves as long as they whitewash their actions. They also can't feel good about their relationships if they treat their partners in ways that violate their inner sense of what is right and wrong.

from pg 192 of The Art of Jewish Prayer by R. Kirzner zt"l with Lisa Aiken


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